I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
