Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
