it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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