i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
