My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
