my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i think i have two assholes
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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