my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
