i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
