Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
