can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
