just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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