Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
