I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
