Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
