So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
this just has baby written all over it
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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