8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Randomize
