I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
