So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
