Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
