He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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