Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
