everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
