Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
