he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
