The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
