i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
