i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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