If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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