Small penises have feelings too.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
