I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Let's paint friendship bongs
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I touched a dick in church today
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
