At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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