I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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