Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
