Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
