Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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