Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
