I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
