This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
