she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
