Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
