Cold hands, warm shart.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
