My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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