Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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