the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
