Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
