Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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