Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
