insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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