i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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