Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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