My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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