not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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