yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
