i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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