Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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