i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
