Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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