Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
