Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
