Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
