Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
