nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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