Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
