I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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