you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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